The first death

on

My friend Briony’s mum died today. She didn’t die of COVID-19 but the current situation with the UK in lockdown no doubt contributed to it.

She was old. Briony’s a bit older than me. And so her mum would be classed in the risk groups. Those of you who’ve been following my blog a while will know that Briony is a very close friend who has stage four cancer. She’s currently receiving chemo. This puts her squarely in the most at risk groups with compromised immune systems.

Briony lives in London near us. Her mum lives up north. She and her sister had tried to get in touch with their mum today but couldn’t get through. They’d last talked yesterday. But they knew something was wrong.

They got their uncle to go round and he couldn’t get a response. So the police were called. When they got in, they found her in a bad state. The paramedics were called. But because of COVID fears, everyone had to stay out.

Briony said her sister had to wait outside as she wasn’t allowed in, whilst her mum died inside. They couldn’t save her.

Briony knew this was going on but couldn’t leave the house because of her compromised immune system. Her sister crying on the phone. Knowing that their mum was dying without her loved ones. Knowing she couldn’t go to her.

I feel so sad for Briony to have to be isolated in her grief. She has her husband but I can’t imagine what it’s like to feel trapped at home when you want to go and comfort someone. Well, I guess I do because I can’t comfort her. I’m going to try and put a care package together for her and leave it on their doorstep tomorrow. I just can’t imagine. It doesn’t seem real.

And yet.

This is the reality of what we are facing now. The NHS is reaching a crisis point. Some would say it already has. But I think it’s going to get worse. I fear for us all. Not to say it’s all doom and gloom but I worry that we are going to see it get a lot worse before it gets better.

The reality that we can’t go to loved ones when they need us. The reality that an old lady dies with only strangers trying to save her. That a friend with cancer has to stay indoors and not go to her dying mum – or her mum’s funeral – because of the dangers of this virus.

I already know several people who have had it. We are already getting used to lockdown life. In the main it is okay but I fear that maybe our jobs will go. I fear that maybe our parents will go.

This is the first death of someone I’ve known, even if I only met her once at their wedding. But I fear it won’t be the last.

17 Comments Add yours

  1. I am so incredibly sorry for your friends loss of her mother in such a heartbreaking way. I fear you are right that this will get worse before it gets better and I fear people dying alone will become all too common.

    Like

    1. Nara says:

      Thank you, I’m sure you of all people understand the grief she is going through. So heartbreaking to know that she has to stay at home and not even attend the funeral. I can’t imagine how much pain she is in especially when she knew her mum was dying but couldn’t go to her. It’s a very sad situation right now. 💕

      Like

  2. Hufflestitch says:

    So sorry for your friends loss ❤

    Like

    1. Nara says:

      Thank you. I am so sad for her. 💕

      Like

  3. We lost my grampa today, only my aunt was allowed to be with him, everyone else could not. She was only allowed in when they had confirmed he didn’t have the virus and they were sure he was going to pass away within 24 hours. He had had three heart attacks in October and hadnt been in good health since, it’s such a sorry state compared to when my grama died in October and her room was filled with almost all her loved ones. I hate this virus. They won’t be having a funeral for him until this whole thing blows over so everyone can attend. I hope they do something similar to include your friend.

    Like

    1. Nara says:

      Oh I’m really sorry to hear that. Glad that your aunt was allowed to visit him. It’s such difficult times right now and so sorry for your family. 💕

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Marixsa says:

    This is so sad. My condolences to everyone affected by it (including you!). Stay safe over there. ❤

    Like

    1. Nara says:

      Thanks Marixsa- We are fine. I just worry about friends and family. How is it with you? X

      Like

  5. Dubliner says:

    I can’t think of the words right now to express how awful that must have been for your friend and her sister, and her Mum in her last moments.. I feel really sad when I think of all the people losing loved ones at the moment..

    Like

    1. Nara says:

      Yes, I feel really sad for them. Especially as it turns out that she was alive and conscious when they arrived, and her sister was prevented from entering the house because of covid fears. They’re now investigating the death as possibly covid related even though they previously said it wasn’t. There’s such a lot of heartache right now…

      Like

  6. I’m sorry, Nara.
    It’s hard to write anything more. My greatest fear right now is for my 90 year old mom, 7000 miles away, in a place with a catastrophically useless government response, and no way for me to go there in the foreseeable future . . .

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nara says:

      Yes. I think it’s tragic what is happening. I can imagine it’s v scary to be so far away from your mum. I’m within 1.5hrs if we had to go there, though obviously it would be considered non essential travel unless they needed medical help. It’s weird being separated from them even though we could be there in quite a short time.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I am so sorry! I can’t imagine and I pray I won’t have to go through it. This virus is awful and we aren’t even supposed to see a peak in WI until May 22nd. How they figured that out, was have no clue. Stay well and stay safe. Prayers for your friend and her family.

    Like

    1. Nara says:

      Thank you. Found out yesterday that a friend of a friend (who I’ve met a few times) father died in hospital in London (where we live) of covid. They weren’t allowed to see him. Obviously she’s distraught. It’s really shocking to know now that people are dying and if one of your family members gets it, you aren’t allowed to see them. Hope you all stay well in WI. 💕

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I’m so incredibly sorry. I can’t imagine having to go through that. xxx

    Like

    1. Nara says:

      Thank you, it’s been difficult for her but I am hoping we are all keeping her going. 💕

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s